In a world that relies heavily on technology, the interests, behaviors, and communication styles utilized by the new generation prove far different from past generations leaving quite a gap in understanding. Bridging the gap between parent and child therefore can often seem quite overwhelming. This article explains how to improve a parent-child relationship. It is important to note that whilst this article serves to inform, all children are unique and must be treated so. The first place to start when improving the parent-child relationship is to review your parental style and see whether there are aspects you can modify for a better parent-child relationship.
What are the 4 parenting styles?
Authoritarian:
Authoritarian parenting is the harshest parenting style and leaves little room for negotiation between the parent and child. An authoritarian parent relies heavily on discipline when high expectations are not met. Whilst expectations are high, parent responsiveness is low. A parent like this is usually quite cold and uncaring. A parent like this is usually quite cold and uncaring. Research shows that this type of parenting leads to a variety of negative outcomes such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, a lack of social skills (including aggression), and poor relationship choices.
Permissive:
The opposite parental style is Permissive. This parenting style whilst extremely responsive has minimal expectations or rules. It blurs the line between being a parent versus a friend. As one would expect, having this type of parenting style can lead to a child finding it difficult to make sound choices. Negative outcomes include childhood and adulthood obesity, low educational attainment, and a lack of self-control.
Authoritative:
An Authoritative parent is balanced in being nurturing, warm and responsive, as well as having clear guidelines as to what the child is permitted to do or not. Although rules are given, communication is also open where the child’s voice is allowed to be heard. This parenting style leads to the most positive outcomes including confidence, high self-esteem, self-regulation, and emotional well-being.
Uninvolved:
The Uninvolved parent is rather self-explanatory, whilst the parent is present and warm, the child has little to no expectations and is given complete freedom to do as they wish. Communication is minimal, no parenting style is adopted. This leads to the child essentially raising themselves. Research shows that although this child grows up to be the most self-sufficient, it is also linked to a high risk of substance abuse, low educational attainment, and emotional detachment.
Whilst some parents may assume that mere presence is enough, more is needed to foster the parent-child relationship. Effective communication between both parent and child is vital in creating a positive stable relationship.
Not sure where to start? Answer this question and be honest with yourself.
Does time on your device (including TV) take away time you spend with your child?
A new phenomenon named ‘serve and return’ explains how parents are spending too much time on their devices, attending to their child’s needs, and quickly returning to their phones. When a child disrupts their parent’s screentime they are shunned or spoken to in an artificial manner. Whether or not this is spoken makes no difference in a child picking up on this energy, in fact, even infants pick up on such behavior. To improve your relationship, remember that around 70% of communication is non-verbal – It’s not always what you say, but what your body says.
Using positive body language:
Try to actively think about communicating positive body language, these can look like:
- Avoiding folded arms
- Leaning towards rather than away from your child when they speak to you
- Maintaining eye contact
- Affirmative gestures such as nodding and smiling (it lets your child know that you’re paying attention)
- Avoiding putting your head in your hands
Helpful Tips to Strength a Parent-Child Relationship:
Did you know that children (and adults too!) are more likely to follow instructions If you frame them positively?. This is a good parenting and educational technique.
For example:
- Stop shouting vs Keep your voice down
- Don’t lie vs Be honest
- No hitting vs We are kind to…
It’s especially difficult for parents who find it difficult to engage with their kids, and for parents who have no idea what their child’s interests are/understand them. So, where do you find common ground?
It’s as simple as going outside for a walk. Fresh air boosts serotonin levels – happy brain chemicals. Point out the things that you see, and most importantly, listen to your child. Allow them the time to express their thoughts, and stay engaged. If you struggle to understand what they mean, you might want to try asking gently ‘I’m not sure what you mean, can you help me understand a bit more?. What you are effectively doing here is encouraging more conversation flow by your child allowing your child to guide the conversation.
Or you can do an activity they like or show interest in. At this age, children still use creative play as a form of communication. This is a great way to understand how their minds work. Participate in activities they enjoy, and whilst you partake in these activities together talk about their preferences and interests. For instance, ‘Do you prefer this or that, or ‘Why does this character do …’ Partaking in activities together is a great way to bond and enter their world.
What techniques can parents use to improve the relationship with a child suffering from low self-esteem? Boosting self-esteem is incredibly important now more than ever given the social pressures that influence children.
Have weekly ‘Us time’ check-ins to nurture a Parent-child relationship
Try routinely doing something together every week or every fortnight to give them a chance to talk in an environment that feels safe and comfortable e.g., visit a restaurant or go for a walk. Encourage them to talk about how school, and their friendship groups. If your child does present any struggles be quick to validate their feelings, or highlight their strengths, or even offer to help if needed.